Movie Screening Security Guards Take On The Pirates
Written by enigmax on March 26, 2008The best way to deal with piracy is to go in hard – real hard. It doesn’t matter if you upset non-pirates or alienate your customers, it doesn’t matter if you make children cry. Pirates are evil and they need to be dealt with severely – this documentary shows how it’s best done, using intimidation and violence.
In the time it took you to read the introduction to this post, movie pirates have cost the MPAA $12.7m in lost revenue, several thousand people in the movie industry have lost their jobs, and civilization (as we know it) is under threat.
Faced with this nightmare scenario, drastic action is called for, as any delay could exacerbate the already horrendous losses listed above. It’s time to stop movie piracy in its tracks – right now – by letting loose the “Movie Screening Security Guards”, armed with the bluntest instruments known to man – and night vision goggles.
MSSG is a four-man security team, here to serve and protect the integrity of the Hollywood movie industry. They say they’re here to hunt down strange people – the type that download stuff from the Internet and anyone carrying large bags “like a suicide bomber” into a movie theater.
Their training allows them to see things normal people can’t, so when they’re confronted with what appears to be a kid with a cellphone, they do the right thing – and immediately destroy it, rightly terrifying the child.
“The world needs morals and integrity,” says the MSSG boss, “and when someone’s going around recording films that cost millions of dollars to make, and showing them to all their little snot-nosed friends while they’re picking their noses, well that’s just wrong. When you take morals and integrity away from a human being, I ask you: What then? What do you have left then?
Enjoy the documentary.
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79 Responses
What the…?
I wish it was longer. =<
hhmmmm, quite amusing I suppose, but also a bit scary, because there’s a lot of truth dressed up as humour……:-\
“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.
Wow… what was that?? That was an entertaining “mockumentary” I suppose… but as you can see by #4, the presentation will go over some people’s head. Some more information and context would be nice!
LMFAO!
Seriously my chair got creamed bad xD
Ok actually I misread comment #4 and I somewhat agree with the points (but really, it was just a joke and a caricature of the anti-piracy lobby!) I still think some context would have made this a more interesting and useful article.
since when were the scene using cellphones to cam movies?
personally i don’t see the problem with looking for cammers or interdicting torrents – it’s management of supply and demand in a war where neither side has agreed to adhere to any set of rules.
@4 makes a valid point imho but this being tf as soon as the US wakes up s/he will be innundated will cries of “f*cking schill go to hell” from teenagers who see their birthright being taken away.
@#4
It is indeed out of proportion, but so is the clip. Don’t take everything you read literally.
It might not be unjust to catch real (commercial) movie pirates, but it has nasty side-effects.
Here is some context:
This is a joke? right? LMAO LMAO LMAO
Viva La PiratByran :)
*picks nose*
Don’t miss the point people. Most internet pirates don’t like cam vids, unless they’re just dying to see a new movie and are losers without have any friends to go with, or too poor to pay $10. They want DVD quality to keep, without paying $20-$30 for a DVD.
The problem with the policing is that it is interfering with people who just want to watch the movie. It’s like big brother. They might be trying to protect their investment, but they’re hurting the rights of other viewers. They are prioritizing catching the thief that costs them a nominal amount of money over customer satisfaction.
in addition. I don’t think this really applies to internet pirates, but rather the bootlegger you’d find dealing vhs or dvds out of his trunk.
[quote comment="318992"]“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.[/quote]
Stupidity at its finest… 10 bucks isn’t what it is going to cost you. Don’t forget the over priced popcorn and soda.
Doc was funny, personally… should anyone every attempt to search me as im walking into a movie theater I would not only place a lawsuit on them but “maim” them. X-D
Violence… its not only theater guards that know how to administer it.
[quote comment="319006"]since when were the scene using cellphones to cam movies?[/quote]
actually there was a girl that was fined because she recorded 10 or 20 seconds of a movie on her cell phone.
Personally I find it all humorous… but I do agree that bootleggers selling copies of movies on the street should be stopped… I and a lot of my friends now go to the local “fair” every weekend and stop anyone attempting to sell pirated cds.
We may share these movies via internet without profit but selling them is completely off the scale and is what is causing a lot of the problems with p2p-networks
kindof biast this text? I like the humour, but sometimes hard to know what’s true and what’s not.. more FAQ about this would have been interesting, but as always TF rocks!
Long live Pirates!!!
Pirate in my heart,
Pirate in my soul,
Take all you can
and share it all!!!
and they should also set-up internment cubicle in nearby KFCs/McD (outside of cinema compound) to held those suspected “pirates”.
also,they should do a hostile take over on Nokia b’cos nokia are aiding and abeting Pirate-rists,
introduce Parrot-tic act which will gives the ticket guy and cinema janitors the right to tap into your conversation,and literally breath down your neck to see what u r doing..
also covered under this new parrottic act is the setting up of entrance check point and “random” strip search.
u can run….[look around],but u cant hide….[applause] [cameras clicking]
armed and dangerous
aint too many can bang wit us
straight up weed no angel dust
why are so many people taking this seriously? it has all the trademarks of a joke/parody
Shit this may mean an end to my BULLSHIT re-encodes!
Torrentleech = Pay 2 Lecch scum site.
screw the riaa! they are thives not the reg peeps,what happend to the consitution(oh i for got it’s suspened) WE HAVE NO RIGHTS!) new world order right in your face! muaaaaaahhh!
They should be glad someone’s downloading the movies .. considering the amount of retarded shit that’s being made these days.
I’d happily go spend money on a DVD, if there’s even a slightest chance I could watch the movie again.
99.9% times it just isn’t worth it.
So fuck them already, private imperialistic money-whores, shoving crap down our throats – one way or another.
It made me go ROFL =P
I wanna see how many laws they would have broken if they really acted like in the vid. :P
Sharing is Caring!
HAHAHAAHA!!! This is some kind of joke right? Those losers could’t even catch fish in a bowl. And just for you ‘MSSG’ i’m not gonna wait DVD release of 10,000BC, i’m gonna download it just now!
What a bunch of choads
[quote comment="319125"]They should be glad someone’s downloading the movies .. considering the amount of retarded shit that’s being made these days.
I’d happily go spend money on a DVD, if there’s even a slightest chance I could watch the movie again.
99.9% times it just isn’t worth it.
So fuck them already, private imperialistic money-whores, shoving crap down our throats – one way or another.[/quote]
Know what you mean, specially with the Jumper movie. I thought it was some cool futuristic action film, turned out it was a gayish teenager movie with the typical save-girlfriend-shit.
Ok, a fine joke indeed x)
First i thought I would get angry after watching this but seriously… I laughed my ass off! It’s a joke, it’s got to be…right?
I saddens me that anyone could watch this video and not realize that it was a spoof.
www. youtube. com/watch?v=d82Lq2rVB_4
Anti-Piracy Spot from the IT-Crowd, it’s even better than the screening clip :)
Okay, next time I go to the movies I´ll have to bring my shotgun, aye?
I’m joining the M55A.. Lets make this not a four operation. Lets make it a 5 man operation.
Yours sincerly: The Fifth Man.
(Just say no! to piracy)
Haha, I hope this is sarcasm :P
reefer madness
that video was pretty dumb…
with the way things are going you will be forbidden to even talk about the movie with your friends afterwards!
i can imagine the lights coming on in the middle of a movie, “attention chair e-15, i see that you are watching this movie very closely, as we dont mind you enjoying the film you had better not remember anything or we will prosicute!”
The Taliban would be happy to hire these determined guys and wipe out crime completely and keep the world a safe place.
Hey, Enigmax, are you sure man that this is a documentary??? It looks more like a mockumentary, a comedy film made to mock the shit out of the movie industry. Even the acting is over exaggerated, both funny and ridiculous at the same time. I find it real hard to believe that this is for real.
This is a joke guys
It’s quite frightening to me that so many respondents have failed to see that BOTH THE BLOG AND THE VIDEO ARE SPOOFS.
There is a slightly serious truth behind the parody, however. Many pop concert tickets advise that customers “Do not bring cameras or recording equipment into the venue”, because the bastards that sell the music and posters want sole control (and the sales) of merchandise.
For what it’s worth, I think everyone should be allowed to record concerts and take photos, and they should probably be allowed to film what they see in a movie theatre too, provided they aren’t selling copies.
Making money from other people’s work is what movie execs do. Don’t sink to their level.
Tags: bittorrent, Humor, movie piracy, mssg, piracy
Another dull newsday huh?
Uh, that video was stupid as hell.
Its just a parody/satire;
the world could use a few more, in general!
In general the issues are old; King John is charging to much taxes, Robin Hood thinks you shouldn’t have to pay any taxes, neither of them is really right but Robin Hood is closer:)
GO RON PAUL !!!
GO RON PAUL !!!
GO RON PAUL !!!
Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.
[quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke
[quote comment="319049"][quote comment="318992"]“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.[/quote]
Stupidity at its finest… 10 bucks isn’t what it is going to cost you. Don’t forget the over priced popcorn and soda..[/quote]
Your calling him stupid for not including the price of popcorn and soda into the movie ticket? That seems even more ridiculous than the article itself.
[quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.
[quote comment="319540"][quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.[/quote]
logical deductions,critical thinking,…post tags,they all lead to contexxxxt
[quote comment="319153"][quote comment="319125"]They should be glad someone’s downloading the movies .. considering the amount of retarded shit that’s being made these days.
I’d happily go spend money on a DVD, if there’s even a slightest chance I could watch the movie again.
99.9% times it just isn’t worth it.
So fuck them already, private imperialistic money-whores, shoving crap down our throats – one way or another.[/quote]
Know what you mean, specially with the Jumper movie. I thought it was some cool futuristic action film, turned out it was a gayish teenager movie with the typical save-girlfriend-shit.[/quote]
I know mann .. Paladins?!! They kill jumpers because .. well no sane reason, so hell, let it be some absolutely absurd thing, like only God can jump around.
And that last scene with the Momma Paladin – I’ll give you a head start, because even though you’re a good human being, you fucking jump too much, so die. Eventually. Sheesh. What crap.
[quote comment="319053"]….I and a lot of my friends now go to the local “fair” every weekend and stop anyone attempting to sell pirated cds.[/quote]
Yeah, right. There’s an ass kicking waiting to happen. Mind your own damn business hypocrite. Who made you the warez Gestapo?
your video is a crime it assaulted my eyes and ears i shall now brake your cellphone and cameras and make you cry [quote comment="319555"][quote comment="319540"][quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.[/quote]
logical deductions,critical thinking,…post tags,they all lead to contexxxxt[/quote]
^^^ and who the shit cares ?
This video was made to make all the people who go to work every day as an effort to stop “movie piracy” in the world look like a bunch of idiots. And in that aspect, it accomplishes its goal very well.
[quote comment="319555"][quote comment="319540"][quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.[/quote]
logical deductions,critical thinking,…post tags,they all lead to contexxxxt[/quote]
Here is more context: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_%28metaphor%29
[quote comment="319053"]Personally I find it all humorous… but I do agree that bootleggers selling copies of movies on the street should be stopped… I and a lot of my friends now go to the local “fair” every weekend and stop anyone attempting to sell pirated cds.
We may share these movies via internet without profit but selling them is completely off the scale and is what is causing a lot of the problems with p2p-networks[/quote]
I wish you a recreative weekend and a black eye.
“picking your nose is just wrong”. Well, that may be, but even that can be beneficial.
There’s some poor acting going on here.
Oh, and you can’t protect something that’s already in the public arena, and the sooner you learn that the sooner you will stop banging your head against a tree. Go pirates, yay!!!
Lamers & trolls go suck a green lemon
[quote comment="319679"][quote comment="319555"][quote comment="319540"][quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.[/quote]
logical deductions,critical thinking,…post tags,they all lead to contexxxxt[/quote]
Here is more context: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_%28metaphor%29/quote
not sure what u r trying to imply here,but this scenario had already happened elsewhere in singapore during the matrix3 era if i remembered it correctly,when they were actually screening ppl’s “baggage” and ppl had to leave thier cell on the counter b’for going into the cinema…..
and i understand context refered here as :
Discourse that surrounds a language unit and helps to determine its interpretation
thereby,with some logical deduction applied to the clip,post taged “humour”,the way actor in the clip sounds,it’s clearly intended as a joke in this post…and confined to this post only…
When they come to arrest you, remember they are only mock police types, the RIAA poor actors club dressup. They have no right to assault you, and you have every right to defend yourself by whatever means necessary. Sickos
Seriously, what is with all of the comments opining about how this is “Real”…is satire now dead?
nokia and other phone companies should be sued for supplying ‘equipment which enables piracy’
that would be a fucking good laugh!
ahahahahahah Loved the vid…. but was it for real?? i cant tell if it was a joke or not! ?!?!
is this a joke?
the pirates are more than MSSG
it will drown them
[quote comment="319697"][quote comment="319679"][quote comment="319555"][quote comment="319540"][quote comment="319507"][quote comment="319482"]Those who insist that this was a joke will realize too late that it can become true when you continue to insist it was just a joke.[/quote]
while those who mistook this as real instead of a joke r making themself a joke[/quote]
One would not be able to perceive it as a joke if there was no context.[/quote]
logical deductions,critical thinking,…post tags,they all lead to contexxxxt[/quote]
Here is more context: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra_%28metaphor%29/quote
not sure what u r trying to imply here,but this scenario had already happened elsewhere in singapore during the matrix3 era if i remembered it correctly,when they were actually screening ppl’s “baggage” and ppl had to leave thier cell on the counter b’for going into the cinema…..
and i understand context refered here as :
Discourse that surrounds a language unit and helps to determine its interpretation
thereby,with some logical deduction applied to the clip,post taged “humour”,the way actor in the clip sounds,it’s clearly intended as a joke in this post…and confined to this post only…[/quote]
You’re right there. The video is not just a joke. I try to put those comments into a context that _insist_ it was just a joke. To _insist_ can indicate a state of denial, probably to protect a previously formed opinion. That opinion is most likely easier to go continue with than to stomach a new reality. This behaviour can be seen as one aspect of the Cassandra complex.
LAWL the tag “Humor” is so appropriated, get a job!
it was funny when the old lady called them a cock sucker.
Seems like the youtube version is gone, anyone know a mirror?
I sent the filmmakers a message and they are trying to get it into a film festival and it can’t be on YouTube….There will be online voting and it should be up in a week if you want to help them out. I know I will that thing was funny as hell!!
hail pirates
and death to greedy bustards
Mmmmh…video is gone on youtube, anybody has another Link or a lokal copy?
Meh, I was too late, video is not available anymore.
AAand the video is down.. Torrent Link anyone?
hey, the video is no longer available on youtube, and I wanna laugh…
[quote comment="319843"]Seriously, what is with all of the comments opining about how this is “Real”…is satire now dead?[/quote]
No, just the brains of some of the viewers.
[quote comment="321199"]Mmmmh…video is gone on youtube, anybody has another Link or a lokal copy?[/quote]
Here you go;
http://rapidshare.com/files/103349615/Movie_Screening_Security_Guards.flv.html
Download it, spread it, love it. :)
How stupid must one be to believe that a bad low quality handy can rip will reduce the movie sells in any noticeable way,
if one is ready to watch a ultra bad quality video he is most currently not ready to pay a cent for the movie.
Hey guys!
Thanks for all the awesome feedback! We loved reading what you had to say both good and bad. I wanted to let you all know that Movie Screening Security Guards is available to watch at the following link:
http://www.thedoorpost.com/?film=187053cccbad2a341ef01b4c936bb54b
It does require you to register because of the notorious “cocksucker” line, but it’s free. If we win the first round of the competition we get 10 grand to make another short film! So please check it out, every vote helps!
Joe
The videos gone…
This would be funny, if it weren’t how my theatre is. They’re normally pretty nice, but one opening night, they flip on everything.
[quote comment="318992"]“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.[/quote]
You are clearly one of those people who should refrain from speaking in public on matters of which you know nothing. Piracy at this stage in the game isn’t about getting a free movie any more than Anti-piracy is about protecting the integrity of the films. Read and learn first, THEN comment.
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