Movie Screening Security Guards Take On The Pirates
Written by enigmax on March 26, 2008The best way to deal with piracy is to go in hard - real hard. It doesn’t matter if you upset non-pirates or alienate your customers, it doesn’t matter if you make children cry. Pirates are evil and they need to be dealt with severely - this documentary shows how it’s best done, using intimidation and violence.
In the time it took you to read the introduction to this post, movie pirates have cost the MPAA $12.7m in lost revenue, several thousand people in the movie industry have lost their jobs, and civilization (as we know it) is under threat.
Faced with this nightmare scenario, drastic action is called for, as any delay could exacerbate the already horrendous losses listed above. It’s time to stop movie piracy in its tracks - right now - by letting loose the “Movie Screening Security Guards”, armed with the bluntest instruments known to man - and night vision goggles.
MSSG is a four-man security team, here to serve and protect the integrity of the Hollywood movie industry. They say they’re here to hunt down strange people - the type that download stuff from the Internet and anyone carrying large bags “like a suicide bomber” into a movie theater.
Their training allows them to see things normal people can’t, so when they’re confronted with what appears to be a kid with a cellphone, they do the right thing - and immediately destroy it, rightly terrifying the child.
“The world needs morals and integrity,” says the MSSG boss, “and when someone’s going around recording films that cost millions of dollars to make, and showing them to all their little snot-nosed friends while they’re picking their noses, well that’s just wrong. When you take morals and integrity away from a human being, I ask you: What then? What do you have left then?
Enjoy the documentary.
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83 Responses
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What the…?
I wish it was longer. =<
hhmmmm, quite amusing I suppose, but also a bit scary, because there’s a lot of truth dressed up as humour……:-\
“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.
Wow… what was that?? That was an entertaining “mockumentary” I suppose… but as you can see by #4, the presentation will go over some people’s head. Some more information and context would be nice!
LMFAO!
Seriously my chair got creamed bad xD
Ok actually I misread comment #4 and I somewhat agree with the points (but really, it was just a joke and a caricature of the anti-piracy lobby!) I still think some context would have made this a more interesting and useful article.
since when were the scene using cellphones to cam movies?
personally i don’t see the problem with looking for cammers or interdicting torrents - it’s management of supply and demand in a war where neither side has agreed to adhere to any set of rules.
@4 makes a valid point imho but this being tf as soon as the US wakes up s/he will be innundated will cries of “f*cking schill go to hell” from teenagers who see their birthright being taken away.
@#4
It is indeed out of proportion, but so is the clip. Don’t take everything you read literally.
It might not be unjust to catch real (commercial) movie pirates, but it has nasty side-effects.
Here is some context:
This is a joke? right? LMAO LMAO LMAO
Viva La PiratByran :)
*picks nose*
Don’t miss the point people. Most internet pirates don’t like cam vids, unless they’re just dying to see a new movie and are losers without have any friends to go with, or too poor to pay $10. They want DVD quality to keep, without paying $20-$30 for a DVD.
The problem with the policing is that it is interfering with people who just want to watch the movie. It’s like big brother. They might be trying to protect their investment, but they’re hurting the rights of other viewers. They are prioritizing catching the thief that costs them a nominal amount of money over customer satisfaction.
in addition. I don’t think this really applies to internet pirates, but rather the bootlegger you’d find dealing vhs or dvds out of his trunk.
[quote comment="318992"]“it doesn’t matter if you make children cry.”
Your writing blows this really out of proportion. Of course they don’t want people videotaping or downloading their movies which only seems fair and yes sometimes they take it too far to protect their investment but pirates aren’t the robin hood this site seems to make them out to be.
Get over yourself and realize that pirates only do it because its easier and more convenient than paying 10 bucks for a night out.
There isn’t a terrible injustice here but you seem to make it seem like there is.[/quote]
Stupidity at its finest… 10 bucks isn’t what it is going to cost you. Don’t forget the over priced popcorn and soda.
Doc was funny, personally… should anyone every attempt to search me as im walking into a movie theater I would not only place a lawsuit on them but “maim” them. X-D
Violence… its not only theater guards that know how to administer it.
[quote comment="319006"]since when were the scene using cellphones to cam movies?[/quote]
actually there was a girl that was fined because she recorded 10 or 20 seconds of a movie on her cell phone.
Personally I find it all humorous… but I do agree that bootleggers selling copies of movies on the street should be stopped… I and a lot of my friends now go to the local “fair” every weekend and stop anyone attempting to sell pirated cds.
We may share these movies via internet without profit but selling them is completely off the scale and is what is causing a lot of the problems with p2p-networks
kindof biast this text? I like the humour, but sometimes hard to know what’s true and what’s not.. more FAQ about this would have been interesting, but as always TF rocks!
Long live Pirates!!!
Pirate in my heart,
Pirate in my soul,
Take all you can
and share it all!!!
and they should also set-up internment cubicle in nearby KFCs/McD (outside of cinema compound) to held those suspected “pirates”.
also,they should do a hostile take over on Nokia b’cos nokia are aiding and abeting Pirate-rists,
introduce Parrot-tic act which will gives the ticket guy and cinema janitors the right to tap into your conversation,and literally breath down your neck to see what u r doing..
also covered under this new parrottic act is the setting up of entrance check point and “random” strip search.
u can run….[look around],but u cant hide….[applause] [cameras clicking]
armed and dangerous
aint too many can bang wit us
straight up weed no angel dust
why are so many people taking this seriously? it has all the trademarks of a joke/parody
Shit this may mean an end to my BULLSHIT re-encodes!
Torrentleech = Pay 2 Lecch scum site.
screw the riaa! they are thives not the reg peeps,what happend to the consitution(oh i for got it’s suspened) WE HAVE NO RIGHTS!) new world order right in your face! muaaaaaahhh!
They should be glad someone’s downloading the movies .. considering the amount of retarded shit that’s being made these days.
I’d happily go spend money on a DVD, if there’s even a slightest chance I could watch the movie again.
99.9% times it just isn’t worth it.
So fuck them already, private imperialistic money-whores, shoving crap down our throats - one way or another.
It made me go ROFL =P
I wanna see how many laws they would have broken if they really acted like in the vid. :P
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